Stephen Oates

Stephen was born in Carbonear, NL and grew up on a drung. Largely home-schooled, he was raised in a household headed by merchant mariner Arthur Oates. Known locally as "the Chief," Arthur is a man of myth and legend, of whom daring tales are told around the campfires of rural Newfoundland to this day. His mother Loretta is impressive in her own right, and until quite recently she was still a Capo in the local affiliate of Lord Baden Powell's notorious street gang for youth. His sole sibling and elder brother Shawn briefly dated a Catholic, bringing a shame to his family from which it has yet to recover. After an idyllic childhood spent mostly listening to Elvis in the shed, Stephen grew into a modern bay-rocking adolescent. His teenage years passed with him dividing his time between the backrooms of the underground seal flipper based economy of Conception Bay North and the local shrine dedicated to Rex Murphy. Although possessing no formal education, a heartfelt plea to John Crosbie (then Chancellor of Memorial University of Newfoundland and future Lieutenant-Governor) led to his admission to MUN, delivered in a rum soaked handwritten reply which is largely illegible save for scrawled profanities and what appears to be a lewd re-interpretation of the "Ode to Newfoundland."1 Thrust into the bustling metropolis of St. John's at the turn of the century, Stephen quickly migrated to the outer edges, hanging out at the Village and in some of the darker corners and dojos of Mount Pearl. During this time, he claims to have converted to vegetarianism and began what has become one of the province's most impressive collections of books relating to the life and times of Pierre Trudeau. It was in these years that Stephen also became a regular on the undergraduate mixer circuit on campus, where he encountered elements of both Roger Herman and the local townie resistance forces. Overjoyed at the prospect of townies finally inviting him to parties, he spent one magic (and overstimulated) weekend on a "spirit quest" in the vicinity of the Georgetown during this period. This notable adventure led both to the exhaustion of the local supply of Jockey Club, and precipitated his conversion to Crypto-Marxism. Filled with pride in his new "card-carrying revolutionary" status and fascinated with the lingo of his new found creed, he also learned many other new words during this period, which he continues to sprinkle into his non-sequitur filled bi-weekly interactions with Human Resources and Development Canada as he seeks to extend his benefits. However, as time passed Stephen grew increasingly disillusioned with the bright lights of downtown St. John's and his letters to the editor grew increasingly irate. This culminated in his attempt at a peaceful takeover of Memorial University of Newfoundland, running for President of the Student Union in the mid 2000's. Beaten down by continual attacks spearheaded by the Front for the Advancement of Gilbert Salam, he was eventually defeated by an outsider named Les, who rode to victory after spending the majority of his campaign flirting with nursing students. To this day, Stephen insists that his bid for president was ultimately sabotaged by "dark townie forces." In 2010, the transcript of his election night interview with the Muse newspaper was added to the provincial curriculum as required reading, and it is set to be published in the latest edition of the Encyclopedia of Newfoundland. The half decade following this defeat was a dark time during which Stephen descended further into the bottle. After a dramatic public breakdown in front of Stockwood's, brought on by too much kata and a chronic inability to roll a saving throw, he spent a period of time in the locked ward of the Waterford hospital. Emerging after a brief but emotional sojourn he reappeared on Gilbert Street "stronger than ever." It was immediately following his release that he began to assemble what has been most accurately described as his "menagerie of cats." Today, Stephen divides his time between vapidly wandering Water Street searching for meaning in the latest trends, and devising elaborate plans for the defense of St. Barbe as he prepares for the inevitable rise of Lower Canada against the Republic. To the surprise of almost everyone, the latest reports from the Oates camp indicate his crying jags have not yet spiraled out of control, though he has been spending an inordinate amount of time in horse stance composing his latest manifesto, which he hopes to broadcast on VOWR during this year's Regatta. 1. The framed original of this letter can be found in Stephen's personal collection, and is available for viewings before 3 pm most weekdays, subject to the approval of both his agent and his social worker.