A Real Pain, Indeed Spoilers

Recently, I had the opportunity to watched Jesse Eisenberg’s buddy road comedy-drama film A Real Pain, and it did really put me into perspective about some struggles that I share from his noble performance even if I had more in common with the struggles of the Culkin’s character. Well, mostly in regards to his emotional and mental behavior as his ups and downs.

First of all, this was not an easy history to direct so I am surprised that Eisenberg did not received a Director’s nomination on this year Academy Awards. At least he did get nominated for his script on the category of Best Original Screenplay, but having to compete with huge monsters as The Brutalist and The Substance, I am afraid it is going to be tough to be recognized as Kieran Culkin will get due to being almost a sure win for Best Actor in a Supporting role.

And a well deserved one I must say because Culkin is so charming that it is impossible to really hate him even in the toxic moments where he just snaps as Benji. Always craving for attention, teasing and indirectly blaming his cousin for having a good life, a normal life, a life that he envied, all because he is unable to resolve his own issues, issues of which David refers as being nothing compared to what their grandmother endured during the Holocaust.

Basically, it was all about survival, life or death, two concepts that David is well aware of, and truly appreciates the great example set by their grandmother to embrace it by just living his life, the best he can, falling in love, getting married, raise a family and very importantly, being present to everything his child does or says. In few words, trying to be the best version of himself. As we should do.

Benji is the opposite, he is lost in the “modern” world, zero responsibilities, confuses freedom with idleness, blames everyone, specially his cousin on a indirect way to feel that he is better than him, just to feel special, not different, just more important for choosing freedom in his mind and in the mind of others. That is what I perceive he feels or thinks, and obviously he does not buy it, and how he can with all the pain he is experiencing inside.

Some huge and uncontrollable pain that almost cost him his life by his own hand, thanks to her mother who found him on time. Reason for what, his cousin David decides to accompany him on the Memorial Jewish Tour to try to take out that awful suicide picture of his cousin out of his mind and also connect on a personal level. To make him react to life, invite him to his house, meet his family and have a relationship. But sadly in the end, the road trip ends helping only himself than his cousin, which I think that is the beauty of this delicate tale.

Everything relies on ourselves; we can’t help anyone if they don’t want to be helped. For more time that you dedicate to them, listen to their tragedies or just following on their immature behavior, in the end, they will continue walking the same destructive path because it is the only thing they cling to. They don’t know how to really open or be vulnerable and it is understandable. Said from my own experience of course.

It is always yelling or defending a cause, blaming others to look morally superior or charming their way out in any social occasion or event and it works for them, but only in a superficial level as we can see it through Benji interaction with the tour’s members.

Said that, I truly understand what David is going through, being so serious, not defending his self, always measuring his words, being careful, too shy to avoid saying the wrong thing or offend somebody and it is sad that persons like him, good persons, always goes unnoticed as we can see during the tour's goodbye scene, everyone runs to Benji, but nobody takes David into consideration. Not even a good handshake.

It seems like even David's tremendous relief at the dinner table, was not enough to be given importance since his pain is not considered real as Benji, and I think that is the message of A Real Pain, that every pain from anyone is truly a real pain even if it is compensated o hidden on site. Our actions speaks for ourselves, even more our expressions. We cannot hide them, but sadly they tend to be easily ignored.

Whatever we do, those feelings remain forever while each of the members realizes during their walk in the concentration camps. The feeling is there, even on the ruins, recorded forever so they are never forgotten but instead serve us as lessons to remember the meaning of life. Pain is inevitable and it is better to share it when it is possible or at least acknowledged and learned from others so we can rise up and enjoy what others could not due to their tragic situations.

Yes, I share David personality, thoughts and I am too very cautious, sometimes. My brother is more like Benji, charming and explosive, he just enters a room and all my family goes crazy because he is so adorable. Even my little cousins tend to follow him and call him every time and I hated that for a while until I understood that in the end, you have the decision to not take it seriously, but instead go and search elsewhere for what you are missing. To share, not to fix because only ourselves can do that and that is the sad thing about Benji as we seen him totally alone in the last scene of the film. The same way he started at the beginning.

Here is where a feel in common with him, because for years I used to sit alone on all the benches with which I came across all my existence. Almost, because I still do, but to a big difference than before. Now, I do it calmly and without pain or remorse.

Yes I may be lonely, but I do have hope and a good reason to go on, so in a good way, watching Benji's painful expression and understanding what he is going through, it helped me remember how far I have come from those days where pain was the only thing I had in my mind.

Now there is hope and some type of wisdom, because I still have a lot to learn and mature. But for now, that will do. Thank you.