5 Anti-Romance Films for Singles on Valentine's Day

Hey there, flying solo this Valentine's Day, huh? Let me guess, you’re fresh out of a breakup; you’re feeling miserable and dejected, and maybe even losing sleep over it; so now you're here looking for some flicks (along the lines of "Gone Girl") to let out curses targeted at your ex and anger towards love, right? But hey, sorry to burst your bubble — this is not your typical murder mystery or crime thriller zone. We're going for something a tad lighter.

But don't leave just yet, because they're what you need. A psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief in her 1969 book titled “On Death and Dying”: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In other words, after experiencing negative emotions, you eventually have to calm down and think carefully about love/romance/marriage itself. Are they overrated? Are they really as wonderful as they’re portrayed in novels, movies, and other forms of art?

And for all the indecisive people who's partnering singlehood this Valentine's, after going through the list of anti-romance movies that I’m about to share, you might just feel more confident about your decision to stay solo. The following films will make us re-examine and question modern love and its necessity from every possible angle.

5. "Barbie" by Greta Gerwig (2023)

Barbies are living it up in their blissful bubble — where every day's a party, and every job's a breeze. But then, our leading lady Barbie (Margot Robbie) drops the bomb about life and death, and suddenly, her perfect world takes a nosedive unknowingly. Her breath is not as fresh as before; she looks haggard and she definitely can't gracefully parachute from the penthouse anymore. Enlightened by her elder, she realizes a connection between her and someone from the human world, and that person’s vibes are rubbing off on her. To reclaim her perfect life, Barbie and Ken (Ryan Gosling) venture into the real world.

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Yep, this is the movie that caused a stir after it was nominated (and not nominated for certain categories) for this year’s Oscars, and it will kick off the anti-romance theme of this article. Frankly, we've been talking about it since last summer, and I'm kinda over it. I tried to recall my expectations for it before its release—I walked into the theater expecting a lovey-dovey flick with gorgeous and handsome-looking leads, thinking, "If it's got Ken, it's gotta be about love, right?" I was wrong! "Barbie" takes a detour we never saw coming. Like the curveball ending— where Barbie struts into a sleek modern building in a suit, and ends up visiting a gynecologist instead of attending a job interview which we all thought she would — who'd have thought "Barbie" would flip the script and go all anti-romantic on us?

In a scene where Ken tries to kiss Barbie, she shuts him down. Now, that moment may hold different meanings for everyone, but for someone raised on chick flicks and romance novels, it is a game-changer. That’s when it hit me: love stories have hogged the spotlight for too long. And especially for us girls, we don’t box ourselves into a corner and date any guy around us who is of our age.

4. "Begin Again" by John Carney (2013)

Greta (Keira Knightley) abandons everything to follow her boyfriend to New York City to pursue their music dreams and love, only to have the beautiful aspirations they once had turn into ashes. After getting better job opportunities, Greta’s boyfriend abandons her, leaving her struggling alone in the depths. Dan's (Mark Ruffalo) life isn't going well recently either; he finds himself unable to move on from missing his ex-wife, while his daughter is in the most rebellious phase of her life. Fate brings the two disheartened individuals together at a small bar.

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John Carney's music films, including "Begin Again," "Once," "Sing Street," and "Flora and Son," all follow a similar recipe: two music-loving protagonists and their ambiguous relationship. While these movies may be categorized under romance films on mainstream movie websites, they all, in fact, have an anti-romantic core. It's not just because the male and female leads don’t end up together; it's because they largely believe that lovers not being together is the norm in life. They constantly remind us of a truth we often overlook but must face: each individual ultimately has to walk a lonely journey on his own in life. At some point in life, we might meet another soul with whom we spend fleeting moments of joy, but that's not eternal; solitude is.

Here's an interesting side note: "Once" is actually the pioneering work of Carney's series of regret-themed films. So why isn't it on this list? Well, I was too young when I watched it. Back then, a romance movie without a single kiss? Nope, that didn't compute. Ah, blame it on my naïvety then!

3. "Marriage Story" by Noah Baumbach (2019)

The film tells the story of Charlie (Adam Driver), a theater director, and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson), an actress, who, after many years of marriage and raising a son together, are forced into divorce due to work-related separation. In this battle for custody, the intricate details about love, marriage, and family tug at the heartstrings. How will their relationship develop?

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Noah Baumbach is adept at directing films with divorce themes; as early as 2005, inspired by his experience of his parents' divorce during his teenage years, he directed "The Squid and the Whale." His portrayal of the divorce process is so authentic that it touches on certain core aspects of marriage.

Baumbach's got a knack for divorce dramas, and "Marriage Story" hits the nail on the head. I barely remember my reaction to it, but luckily, I jotted it down online. My only comment was: "I'm steering clear of marriage!" Yes, that's the impact it had. It can really dissuade someone who is considering marriage from tying the knot. I recall that I was in a very rocky relationship with my then-boyfriend when I wrote this comment. The fights, complaining, and letting out of inexplicable unhappiness and anger we went through daily were identical to those in the movie. It's like Baumbach planted a camera in my living room, as the dialogues are exactly similar to what we would say to each other during our fights. What’s more, we weren't even married then! If we were, I'm pretty sure things would be messier, especially regarding issues like raising a child together and time allocation.

Those who still yearn for marriage may think I'm evading the responsibilities of emotional relationships, but it is equally important to understand the absurdity and pain of marriage, as well as the happiness and stability it can bring.

2. "Anatomy of a Fall" by Justine Triet (2023)

This film was the winner of last year's Cannes Film Festival and (at this point of writing) is still competing for the Oscars. It tells the story of Sandra (Sandra Hüller), Samuel (Samuel Theis), and their visually impaired son Daniel living in a remote mountainous area for a year. One day, Samuel is found dead outside the house, and the police immediately launch an investigation into the case. In uncertain circumstances, Sandra is accused of murder: was it suicide or murder? A year later, Daniel attends his mother's trial, which is also a real examination of his parents' relationship.

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Initially, everyone thought it was a story about murder. As the trial unfolds, we realise that it's less about the fall and more about the fall of love. What is actually being trialed is marriage/love and its certainty. Because even if there was originally love between Samuel and Sandra, after a trial which sources for broken pieces of evidence from the past to prove her guilt or innocence, love will fade into nothing. At the end of trial when Sandra looks back at her husband’s death, all that’s left is devastation.

Hüller delivered an outstanding performance, earning her an Oscar nomination for Best Actress; I hope she wins in the end.

1. "Amour" by Michael Haneke (2012)

This film won the Palme d'Or at the 65th Cannes Film Festival and the Best International Feature Film at the 85th Academy Awards. Anne (Emmanuelle Riva) and Georges (Jean-Louis Trintignant) are an elderly couple in their eighties. They are both cultured retirees, who were music teachers in the past. Their daughter Eva (Isabelle Huppert) also works in the music industry, and currently lives abroad. One day, Anne suddenly has a stroke, and is subsequently paralyzed and bedridden. And from that day on, her love with Georges begins to be tested to some extent.

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Being able to experience life with a loved one and grow old together, is perhaps the ultimate imagination of traditional romance. But director Michael Haneke ruthlessly shatters this imagination—when it comes to Haneke's films, you absolutely can't let your guard down; he won't let you revel in lovingness and peace, and always gives you the sharpest blow when you're moved. In the film "Amour," he tells us what truly happens to love during old age: it's slowness in movements, retardation of reactions, memory decline, wrinkled skin, falling teeth, repulsiveness, being plagued by a plethora of illnesses, and clinging on for dear life. In more extreme cases, Alzheimer's disease.

For Anne and Georges, this is the case. When her illness is relatively mild, they can still support each other, but as her condition worsens, their relationship becomes burdensome, and eventually, love becomes a burden they can’t bear for each other, and only death can free them. This is the most disheartening truth—love is not a panacea; sometimes, it is more of a burden.

So, there you have it—five films to banish those Valentine's Day blues. Whether you're heartbroken, happily single, or somewhere in between, grab some popcorn and dive into these anti-romance gems.

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