Alan Squats

Alan "Squats" Squatrito is a rock and roll musician, improviser, stand-up comedian, and actor from Fairfield, New Jersey. He started performing at the age of fifteen playing the bass & singing in original rock and heavy metal bands [The Scarlet Scourge, The Sotto Voce Band, Inklept, The Pullman Standard]. He got the acting and stand-up comedy bug over the last decade. He claims that when he moved to LA he almost got jumped by a Mexican gang. Luckily, he got out of it. He told the Mexican gang that he really missed Selena, then they let him go. He also claims that Joe Rogan had a threesome with Jonah Hill and Eddie Vedder, and that they kept it under wraps and put him up for adoption. Freaking weird man. If you know where of any of his 3 dads are, please contact him here: [email protected]. Thank you. Fun Facts In 2002, he was nominated by his teammates to be one of the captains of a future bound state championship winning high school football team, The West Essex Knights. He has interviewed Peyton Manning, Brian Billick, Marshall Faulk, Warren Sapp, Pete Carroll, and Gil Brandt. He toured the country three times. Once as a stand-up comedian and twice as a musician. When he was eight years old, he tried to walk on a beach until he reached its end, but luckily his parents tracked him down and informed him that the beach kept on going. He credits his success and achievements to the positive influences and role models in his life, i.e.; father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, and a grateful-list of childhood friends and coaches.