‘Friends’ and the Reflection of Changing Times and Limitations

"Friends" has been instrumental in shaping the global imagination of young people when it comes to urban single life. Before "Friends," there were very few TV shows that revolved around the lives of young people in a big city, exploring friendships, love, and personal growth in an ensemble cast format. This show not only pioneered a new form of American television but also reflected a significant social change: in their early twenties, young adults were leaving their hometowns to independently navigate the big city, with their parents far away, making friends with their chosen family.

The Era of Singledom: The Metropolitan Utopia in "Friends"

Marta Kauffman and David Crane, co-creators and executive producers of "Friends," revealed their initial inspiration for the show. In the early '90s, they were young adults struggling in New York City, surrounded by close friends, balancing work, and searching for love. They wanted to create a true ensemble cast, a show about the friends themselves, not just a central character and their friends. "Friends" was their response to this dynamic urban life, reflecting the idea that when you are single and living in a big city, your friends become your family.

At the very beginning of the series, Rachel, having run away from her wedding in a wedding dress, rushes into the Central Perk café, now an iconic location for fans. She leads viewers into a world where independent living is surrounded by friends. The show begins with her choosing a different path at the age of 24, one that takes her to the big city, away from the conventional life she was supposed to lead. The moment she decides to cut ties with her family by cutting up her credit cards symbolizes the idea that in a big city, friends are your chosen family. As Monica tells Rachel, "Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it."

Before "Friends," there were very few shows telling such stories. In the early '90s, American sitcoms mainly focused on family and married life, like "Roseanne," "Full House," "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," and "Mad About You." "Seinfeld" gained popularity when it aired in 1989, and in the summer of 1993, Fox aired "Living Single," a series about a group of Black friends living together in Brooklyn. These shows hinted at a shift in the American entertainment industry's focus toward the emerging reality of young adults spending more time with friends than with family when they are living independently in the big city.

Elayne Rapping, a professor of American Studies at the University at Buffalo and a long-time researcher of popular culture, suggests that "Friends" was a rare piece of media that catalyzed cultural change. It symbolizes an era where young people were at the forefront of American culture and where people realized that one's early twenties are a vital and vibrant period of life. Rapping believes that "Friends," along with "Beverly Hills, 90210," were among the first TV shows to portray young adults charting their own paths and living their lives with minimal parental intervention.

"Friends" not only started with a clear emphasis on the story being about the six friends but also subtly hinted at the idea that biological families can be unreliable while friends become the dependable family. The first season shows Phoebe discussing her mother's suicide, Rachel finding out about her parent's divorce, and Monica's and Ross's parents visiting, being critical of Ross while simultaneously belittling Monica. As the story progresses, Joey discovers his father is cheating on his mother, and Chandler reveals to his friends that his parents announced their divorce at the Thanksgiving dinner when he was nine. On their first Thanksgiving in the series, the six main characters cancel their original plans due to various reasons and gather in Monica's apartment to have grilled cheese. Joey says, "It's not even a real date. It's just what everyone else has to eat."

It's this genuine camaraderie, the idea of friends coming together and creating a chosen family, that gives "Friends" its irresistible charm. As one audience member in the reunion special put it, "These six people feel like my friends."

"Friends" and "Beverly Hills, 90210" were among the first to depict young people making their own life choices, and establishing their own families among friends, setting a theme that many sitcoms would explore in the future. After the success of "Friends," the American entertainment industry began to focus more on singles in their twenties and thirties who were content without a traditional family. Familiar shows in this vein include "Sex and the City," "Will and Grace," "Girls," "The Big Bang Theory," and more. According to Elyakim Kislev, a sociologist with a Ph.D. from Columbia University, these shows gained popularity and expanded their influence beyond the Western world, challenging traditional views of family and marriage.

In many ways, "Friends" emerged at a time when singledom was becoming the spirit of the era. Kislev, in his book "Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living," analyses the various social factors contributing to the decreasing importance of marriage among young people. Consumerism's rise made society prioritize individuals engaging in the free market, considering personal careers or wealth accumulation as top priorities. For those seeking independence and self-realization, especially women, evaluating the pros and cons of marriage became crucial. To a certain extent, the market favored singles because they typically exhibited larger consumption patterns than individuals in family units. This led markets to adapt to their requirements. Higher education also played a significant role; research indicates that higher levels of education often result in a readiness to prioritize personal and career goals over relationships. Individuals with advanced education tend to possess independent, individualistic values and higher incomes, making them feel less pressured to marry.

Another significant factor was urbanization. In cities around the world, urban development has led to an increase in the proportion of singles. Data shows that in South Asia, East Asia, South America, and even in conservative Islamic countries like Iran, local urbanization is positively associated with liberal family values. This is due to a few reasons. Firstly, as people flock to cities, real estate prices in these areas rise.

Traditional families typically require larger living spaces, making city living less conducive to family life and leading single living in small apartments to become the norm. Secondly, urban environments foster inclusive multiculturalism, encouraging people to abandon traditional family values. Thirdly, economic development leads to massive population mobility. Those who migrate to urban areas in search of personal opportunities are often unfamiliar with the people in their new residence and are far from the familial obligations that come with staying close to home. As a result, they are more likely to live alone, indulging in the rich social and entertainment options that urban areas offer.

In the United States, Rapping believes that "Friends" also captured a unique position in local society. For the first time in American history, young people were no longer assuming that each generation was inherently better than the previous one. So, you saw shows like "Friends" and "Seinfeld" with characters living in apartments instead of single-family homes. They didn't show upward class mobility, and the characters always stayed with the same friends. This idea that you didn't have to grow up was very appealing.

Radical or Conservative? Re-evaluating the Values of "Friends"

The 9/11 terrorist attacks marked a turning point in the ten-year history of "Friends." Before 9/11, the show's creators contemplated ending the series in the next season. Ratings were gradually declining, and audience interests seemed to be shifting elsewhere. It appeared that it was time to bid farewell to the show. However, after 9/11, the show's ratings immediately surged by 17%. This may have been because "Friends" was set in New York City, and viewers found solace in a show that portrayed the city as unchanged, providing some sense of stability during the shock and trauma.

American writer Kelsey Miller, in her book "I'll Be There For You: The One about Friends," dedicates an entire chapter to the impact of 9/11 on "Friends." This globally shocking and ongoing tragic event was like a bomb that exploded in the hearts of Americans, forcing people to abruptly adjust to a world that had become entirely unfamiliar. "Friends" adapted to these changes, paying tribute to the New York Fire Department with T-shirts and subtly featuring the American flag in the show. While the events of 9/11 were not directly incorporated into the storyline, the show's discreet gestures conveyed the pride of New York and paid tribute to the heroes.

The deeper impact of 9/11 on "Friends" was in steering the series towards traditional family values. In the latter part of the series, love and marriage began to surpass friendship, becoming the ultimate solution to life's challenges. Four out of the six main characters transitioned from friends to spouses or romantic partners. In the grand finale, Rachel sacrifices her career to be with Ross and co-parent their daughter. Monica and Chandler move to the suburbs to raise their two adopted children. In the later seasons, Phoebe, who had initially been distinctive for her individuality, is side-lined, and she, too, gets married by the time the series concludes.

Looking back at this iconic series from the turn of the century, it presents a set of values that are both progressive and conservative. The notion that "friends are family" was not the only way "Friends" challenged traditional family values. Throughout the ten seasons, the show addressed various topics like same-sex marriage, infertility, adoption, surrogacy, and single parenthood. However, viewed through today's lens, its portrayal of these controversial subjects is not entirely "correct."

"Friends" faced criticism regarding its lack of diversity; all six lead roles are white, and so are most of the supporting roles are as well; this doesn't reflect the racial composition of New York City. However, on the flip side, "Friends" accurately depicts interracial romantic relationships.

On matters related to sexual minority issues, "Friends" exhibited a somewhat ambivalent stance. The wedding of Ross's ex-wife Carol and her girlfriend Susan was one of the earliest depictions of same-sex marriage in American television, but in retrospect, the show's portrayal was quite conservative. The characters of Carol and Susan never kissed on-screen, and the entire wedding scene had only around 60 seconds of screen time. The show also featured several homophobic and transphobic jokes. For example, Chandler's father, Charles Bing, is a character who cross-dresses using the stage name "Helen Handbury." This presented an opportunity to showcase the experiences of a sexual minority, but the character was not portrayed by a genuine transgender actress, and the show sometimes made jokes related to cross-dressing. Kauffman herself acknowledged that if she could turn back time, she would make improvements in how the show dealt with transphobia and the portrayal of the character Helen.

However, some argue that "Friends" found a sweet spot by avoiding an overly radical approach, which allowed it to reach the broadest possible audience while empowering the discussion of cultural issues. Neil Ewen, a senior lecturer in media and film at Winchester University, points out that "Friends" was never intended to be radical, and if it had been, it might not have become one of the most popular television shows in American history. He observes that what makes "Friends" interesting is that it addresses these cultural issues but does so within the package of a gentle sitcom. The show empowers these issues and brings them to a broader audience.

Undoubtedly, today's audience may re-evaluate the values presented in "Friends" and recognize its conservative inclinations, driven by changes in societal norms. Progressivism has been on the rise for decades, making equality a mainstream societal value in the Western world. Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker is even more optimistic, claiming that racial and ethnic prejudices are decreasing worldwide, and women's and LGBTQ rights have improved on a global scale. While trends of global racism, sexism, and homophobia still exist, liberal values are subtly shifting societies worldwide towards greater personal and collective freedom. Notably, young people influenced by liberal trends tend to stick to these values as they age and are less likely to revert to conservative beliefs.

In 2020, when "Friends" faced criticisms regarding its values, Lisa Kudrow, who played Phoebe, said, "If 'Friends' were created today, it would be a whole different cast. I don’t know what else to say, but yes, it would be different. It would not be an all-white cast, for sure." She also added, "I don’t know what to say about it. It would be completely different. But, it’s a time capsule. It’s 'this is what people found funny back then.'" It's essential to recognize that revisiting past media productions in terms of values is primarily a statement of perspective. What's crucial is how future media productions can enhance their representation, and whether our viewpoints and values, influenced by iconic shows like "Friends," will evolve or stay unchanged in this ongoing transformation.